God's Not an Elephant

     An elephant never forgets. Just like elephants, we hang on to every little thing that has happened to us telling ourselves we can't and won't forget what was done or said to us by someone. As I write this it pains me to say that I've spent my whole life being just like an elephant; I'll forgive but I won't forget being my everyday excuse. My eyes were opened this morning in a big way. 

     Luke 23:34 is the perfect example of forgiveness. "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots." Despite how horribly Jesus was being abused and insulted and the pain he was put through, he asked God to forgive those who were hurting him. I don't know about anyone else, but the last thing I think about when someone has hurt me is forgiveness. I become angry, upset, hurt and if I'm being honest, sometimes I want them to feel that pain too. Each day my attitude toward the people who have hurt me evolves as I realize we all have a choice between being angry at that person or realizing its in the past and that those pieces of hurt are like a piece of stone being chipped at. Each time we feel pain, another piece is broken off to form us into the masterpiece He intends for us to be. Without hurt we remain a stone with no character, so if I take that one step further, shouldn't I be thankful for those who have hurt me for helping form me?
     When Jesus says "they know not what they do", he isn't implying they didn't realize they were hurting him. Sure, it's possible for us to hurt others without realizing we are hurting them but most of the time, we know exactly what we are doing. Revenge, right? God is just and He tells us in Romans 12:19 that it isn't our place to get back at others for how they've hurt us. "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." He knows our hearts and lives better than anyone and He will take care of things as He sees fit. Now, don't go waiting for terrible things to happen to people because of this, that isn't how God works. It could be the immediate forgiveness you show to that person that changes their heart or at least starts them on a different path. Have you ever said something mean to someone and had them forgive you before you even apologize? Whoa! How do you even handle that situation? Wouldn't that make you rethink things a tad bit? So while they are trying to figure out what they are doing and how they are acting, you can take the hurt, learn from it and pray about it. 
     In the last few months, I've thought long and hard about the people who have inflicted pain on me physically and emotionally. When they hurt me, what was going on in their life? Were they going through a hard time? What was their life like growing up? Were they feeling lost? These questions are endless really. Just as what I've gone through has impacted who I am, what they've gone through has impacted them. Again I say, we all have a choice in how we respond to situations and who we become after them but for some people, they weren't taught to take the high road and some felt like they absolutely couldn't. Maybe those harsh words or punches were a result of something much worse that happened to them. Those bullied become the bully because the only way they can find to feel better about themselves is through hurting others. Can we really hold it against them then? 
     I'll admit that I used to view forgiveness as weakness, like I was giving in and they were winning. Now I know that forgiveness is strength. It took amazing love, courage, grace and strength for Jesus to forgive all who hurt him. That is the kind of forgiveness we should show to all. 

     Here is the part that really hit me this morning though: forgetting. Not in the literal sense of course because without some kind of medical reasoning, I'm not even sure that is possible, but in the sense that we don't act like something happened to us. Let me explain that one a little bit better before I lose you. In Psalm 103, David talks about God's great love for us. Verse 12 says "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us." The first time I read this verse I had to go back and reread it a few times to stop myself from being completely speechless. When we come to God with our sins, admit it all and ask for forgiveness, not only does He forgive us but he completely wipes our slate clean! Doesn't that sound too good to be true? The cool thing is, its not! When we do things that we know are wrong and we hurt God, He forgives us and He forgets. Once again, let me clarify, God doesn't literally forget the things we've done but He doesn't carry them around ready to hold them against us if the opportunity arises. Those things we are hurt by are stored away on a shelf as something we only remember so we can learn and grow from them. If we forgive someone, we have stopped ourselves from being upset with them for what they did but if we 'forget', we stop ourselves from carrying around the hurt like a constant burden. To put it quite frankly, forgetting is a matter of learning to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and learning to not spend every single day acting like a victim. Use all the pain to build your testimony, don't let it define you and lead others to wonder where your faith truly lies. This was something I personally needed to realize and I already feel so much better now that I have. 

     It's good to know God's not an elephant and now it's time to stop being one myself. 
     

A Wound Cut Deeper

    I know so many people who are constantly being hurt by other people and its something that has been weighing heavy on my thoughts because these people are absolutely incredible and I want them to know and believe that. I grew up being told I wasn't good enough by the people who's opinion of me mattered the most and struggled for the longest time with believing I deserved more than that. When bad things happened in my life and to me, I always just believed that I deserved it because I wasn't worth anything more. So you may be sitting there wondering why I didn't just ignore what was said to me and why I believed it, maybe you think I'm stupid. Grow up in a home where you are told by the people you look up to the most, starting at a young age, that you need to be better because you're worthless and you start to believe it whether you really want to or not. So when someone comes along and tells you the opposite, you truly believe they don't mean what they are saying. How could someone possibly think I'm smart, beautiful, amazing, fun, talented? Suddenly that person is marked off in your book as being someone you can trust because there is no way they could possibly mean what they say. It's all a lie. 

    We all know a paper cut on the surface hurts and stings worse than any deep gash. In the same way, words can and do hurt worse than any other source of pain. 

    

    Words hurt. Bruises fade, scratches and cuts heal, bones recover, and the physical pain fades but the heart doesn't heal that way. Grow up in a home with endless hours of being put down and being told that you aren't good enough and everything that is wrong with you as if there is anything right. Right?

     I am a writer but I am not naïve in my writing. I understand the power of words, even a word that stands alone. If you were to walk by two people talking and heard the word ‘holocaust’ and nothing else, it wouldn’t really matter what other words were attached in that sentence. At that moment, anything you have been taught about the horrible events of the Holocaust would come flooding in, not necessarily in pictures or memories, but maybe in emotions. Sadness, sympathy, anger, disgust, and maybe the inability to believe we could live in such a harsh world would surface even if for just a moment.

     A single word can cause a tremendous amount of pain for one person but a feeling of love and warmth for another. You hear the words ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ and one of many feelings may arise. Most people would smile and be reminded of all the great times they had with their parents, fun vacations, long talks, helpful advice and a feeling of love. Then there are those who would be reminded of pain, abandonment, bruises, maybe hate and the bucket full of tears they kept hidden beneath their bed so no one could say they weren’t strong.

“I’m not the only kid

who grew up this way

surrounded by people who used to say

that rhyme about sticks and stones

as if broken bones

hurt more than the names we got called

and we got called them all

so we grew up believing no one

would ever fall in love with us

that we’d be lonely forever

that we’d never meet someone

to make us feel like the sun

was something they built for us

in their tool shed

so broken heart strings bled the blues

as we tried to empty ourselves

so we would feel nothing

don’t tell me that hurts less than a broken bone

that an ingrown life

is something surgeons can cut away

that there’s no way for it to metastasize

it does” 

– Shane Koyczan

           

     Children are abused verbally in school and at home so they shut themselves off from the world, some choose to end their suffering by letting death stake it’s claim, others push toward solitude and can become aggressive right back. Those who become aggressive finish out school throwing the punches in any way they know how because putting someone else down makes them feel a little bit better about themselves. One day they start a family and as long as they’re happy, things are fine but as soon as one nerve is pinched the rage turns to their spouse, maybe even a child. The kid who grows up in that home with harsh words and thrown fists spends their life angry and so many turn into the person they never wished.

     Now what about that kid in the corner or the quiet one at work? Surely they are fine sitting by themselves. Does it matter that no one includes them because of how they talk, their smell, weight, or an illness they’ve had since being a child? If that’s what you believe, here is a surprise; the absence of words can do all the same things, bring serious pain and lead to a constant cry. It’s amazing to think that silence can be like constant stabs at a heart, someone’s self-confidence, and how they think the rest of their lives.

     If you think about it for just a moment you’ll soon realize, sometimes it’s the absence of something that leaves the biggest imprint. Do any of us like to feel unwanted, rejected and pushed aside?

     I've found in my life that God is the healer of hearts. For every put down he supplies an eternal put up, a love so endless. He places people in our lives to build us up and gives us a shoulder to cry on no matter what. Without Him, my heart would be nothing more than the aftermath of a long war but His hand is always reached out to embrace each of us for everything we are, no matter what others may say. Just like the rising and setting sun, your beauty is endless for He is our creator and comforter. 

Zephaniah 3:17 - "The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”